One Painful Sacrament Meeting

I’ve been skipping church a lot lately. For a couple of years, I attended Sacrament Meeting regularly, largely to keep my wife company. However, over the last year my attendance has fallen off. There are many reasons why, principally a pre-occupation with work. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago I made the mistake of returning. It was during this Sacrament Meeting that the bishop read the letter from the First Presidency encouraging members to write their Senators in support of the “one man to one woman” marriage Amendment. If that wasn’t bad enough, the Stake High Councilman got up and implied the Lord had spoken, we needed to act.

My immediate family looks rather “normal” by Mormon standards. All three of my children were married in the temple. My two sons and one son-in-law (whom I also consider my son) all went on missions. Two went to semi-dangerous areas: one to the southern Philippines and the other to Colombia. I have 5 grandchildren, with 2 on the way. I say this not to brag (I hope I am parent enough to love my children even if the outcomes had been different.) but to set a context for “the rest of my story.”

Four of my grandchildren live in the Washington D.C. area. They are frequently babysat and visited by my niece and her companion. The latter couple are very happy and love each other. My niece (non-Mormon) is a very empathetic person. After graduating from college, she worked in women’s shelters until (I think) she got burned out. She recently cared for her companion during treatment for lymphoma. She (and her companion both) are wonderful with my grandchildren. My father was estranged for a time from his lesbian granddaughter (my niece). But a short time before he died, he told me that the estrangement needed to end. And I think it did.

At my place of employment, I work closely with several colleagues. The female colleague (also non-Mormon) and her companion are also a wonderful couple. I admire both of them and they appear to be in a loving and respectful relationship. My life is enhanced by knowing both of them.

I few years ago, a former colleague (Mormon) committed suicide. I didn’t know him well, but I would occasionally play cards with him during the noon hour. He never married and seemed always to be lonely. I will forever wonder if he was gay. And if he was, I wonder about the internal turmoil he must have endured.

A friend of mine’s brother (Mormon) died of AIDs. While he chose to live his adult life in California, he returned to Utah County to die. His Ward treated him with respect and he died in a loving environment. While I never met my friend’s brother, I have come to know him vicariously. He too was a quality person.

I refuse at this stage in my life to feel threatened by the gay/lesbian friends and relatives in my life: my niece, my colleagues, my friend’s brother. These are all quality people. And I don’t need an Amendment to the Constitution to tell me what a loving relationship or marriage is, or who is a quality person. I don’t know what is going on in the Mormon church heirarchy at this time, but I think we members are all responsible for the extreme discomfort we are causing our gay/lesbian friends.

Advertisement